Daily Stuff 8-15-19 Vesta Keeper of the Flame

Hi, folks!

Featured photo by Maryland Historical Society. Minus Tide at 7:34 AM of -0.7 feet.

Partly cloudy tonight, 60F, wind at 2mph, AQI12, UV7. There’s a tiny chance of rain next Wednesday…. be careful with grills and other sparks/flames!

Yesterday was a migraine day. <sigh> I ended up curled up away from fluorescents all day and away from sunshine. …and feeling rotten. I did get some embroidery done. Same for today. I huddled in back away from the lights. I did get a lot done on the little bubble suit that I’m making for Sioned.

I’m just now starting to not get the flashing, streaky bursts that mean the stupid headache is still on-going. …and all the lights are out that bother me when that’s going on, as well, since we’re closed, so I’m finally on the computer. I apologize for going down like that.

Tempus said that he had a really good day for sales. He did have a bunch of questions that he had to come ask, which is why I was at the shop! Andrea stopped by to pick up the things for the  Full Moon Circle, and then Linda and Susanne stopped by to find out how I was, as well.

Tempus headed out at about 8pm. He had a batch of stuff for Sash and then had to run to Freddies before starting the paper route.

Some of you have heard me talk about sailing on the log canoes on the Chesapeake as a youngster. This looks *very* familiar with the folks hiked out on the leeboards, (and at that they’re not on a close reach, so not in any danger of being catapulted into the sail, yes, had it happen….). This is a pic of a log canoe race, the Island Blossom, from 1950 or so. I think the pic is by the Maryland Historical Society, but the watermark isn’t clear.

lughnasadh harvesting wheatmotif season lughnasadh bale hayToday’s feast is Sproshinki. This Slavic holiday celebrates the end of haymaking. People feast and hold contests, many of which are athletic is nature, but others are more like our tradition of County Fairs. One of my Babicka’s uncles regularly won the village competition for who could fork and throw a haybale the highest.

200px-Venus_von_Willendorf_01Today’s Feast is also for Vesta, Keeper of the Flame. Plus Assumption Day, the day that the Virgin Mary was taken to heaven, which means that it is also sacred to all the forms of the Great Mother. For Vesta, light 6 red candles and burn herbs for your intent in a hearth fire. For the Virgin, light white. Give thanks to the Great Mother Goddess for your life, your family, your friends and our world.

plant pic Adiantum_pedatumToday’s Plant – Maidenhair Fern is cultivated for use in gardens, but out here on the coast you can’t walk past a stand of trees without seeing it. Our variety is Adiantum Pedatum, (northern maidenhair, five-fingered fern) most often , but others of the aidantums get mixed in, too. – Feminine, Venus, Water– This represents the physical presence of the Divine Feminine, much as the Sword Fern represents the Divine Masculine. To get more in touch with this part of your Higher Self and to gain grace and physical beauty (always remembering that true beauty is from within) soak a sprig of this plant in water (…better by moonlight, and it’s a great ritual for a Full Moon) and hang it in your bedroom. This is also helpful for the transition times between life stages, and can even help with becoming pregnant if there are physical difficulties with a woman’s cycles. More here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adiantum_pedatum and on the family grouping here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maidenhair_fern

The shop opens at 11am. Summer  hours are 11am-7pm Thursday through Monday. Need something off hours? Give us a call at 541-563-7154 or Facebook or email at ancientlight@peak.org If we’re supposed to be closed, but it looks like we’re there, try the door. If it’s open, the shop’s open! In case of bad weather, check here at the blog for updates, on our Facebook as Ancient Light, or call the shop.

Love & Light,
Anja

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Today’s Astro & Calendar

Waxing Moon Magick – The waxing moon is for constructive magick, such as love, wealth, success, courage, friendship, luck or healthy, protection, divination. Any working that needs extra power, such as help finding a new job or healings for serious conditions, can be done now. Also, love, knowledge, legal undertakings, money and dreams. Phase ends at the Tide Change on 8/15 at 5:29am. Full Moon – The day of, the day before, and day after the true Full Moon. “And better it be when the moon is full!”! Prime time for rituals for prophecy, for spells to come to fruition, infusing health and wholeness, etc. A good time for invoking deity. FRUITION Manifesting goals, nurturing, passion, healing, strength, power. Workings on this day are for protection, divination. “extra power”, job hunting, healing serious conditions Also, love, knowledge, legal undertakings, money and dreams. God/dess Aspect: Mother/Abundance/Kingship – Associated God/desses: Danu, Cerridwen, Gaia, Aphrodite, Isis, Jupiter, Amon-Ra. Phase ends on at 8/16 at 5:27pm. Waning Moon Magick – From the Full Moon to the New is a time for study, meditation, and magic designed to banish harmful energies and habits, for ridding oneself of addictions, illness or negativity. Remember: what goes up must come down. Phase ends at the Tide Change on 8/30 at 3:37am. 

Observers of the outer solar system can get a good view of Uranus before dawn. The best time to look for it is shortly before twilight begins around 4 a.m. local daylight time. Uranus then lies 55° high in the southeast against the backdrop of southern Aries the Ram. This morning, use binoculars to find the magnitude 5.8 planet 2.3° south-southeast of the magnitude 5.7 star 19 Arietis. A telescope reveals Uranus’ blue-green disk, which spans 3.6″.
Different people have an easier or harder time seeing star colors, especially subtle ones. To me, the tints of bright stars stand out a little better on a bright sky background — such as we have with the moonlight tonight. For instance, the two brightest stars of summer are <<< Vega, overhead soon after dark, and Arcturus >>> , shining in the west. Vega is white with just a touch of blue. Arcturus is a yellow-orange giant. Do their colors stand out a little better for you in moonlight or in late twilight? Binoculars, of course, always make star colors easier.
Neptune (magnitude 7.8, in Aquarius) is well up in the southeast by 11 or midnight and highest in the south well before dawn. Finder charts for Uranus and Neptune.

Old Farmer’s Almanac Sky map for August – https://www.almanac.com/content/sky-map-august-2019
Goddess Month of Hesperus runs from 8/9 – 9/5
Celtic Tree Month of Coll/Hazel, Aug 5 – Sep 1
Runic half-month of Ansuz/ As /Os/, 8-13-8/29 – This time is sacred to the god/desses of Asgard and contains the time of the Ordeal of Odin and the festival of the Runes. This time is also referring to Yggdrasil, the Tree that give order to the Worlds. This is a time of stability and divine order visible in the world. 

Sun in Leo
Moon in Aquarius enters Pisces at 8:49pm.
Saturn (9/18), Pluto (10/3) and Neptune (11/27), Chiron (12/12), Uranus (1/10/20)Retrograde
Color: Crimson

©2019 M. Bartlett, Some parts separately copyright

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from Wikimedia commons

Celtic Tree Month of Coll/Hazel, Aug 5 – Sep 1, Coll (CULL), hazel – The hazel (Corylus avellana L) is the source of hazelnuts. It forms a shrub up to 6 m (20 feet) tall, inhabiting open woodlands and scrubs, hedgerows, and the edges of forests. The filbert nut in North American groceries is Corylus maxima, a related species. The European hazelnut is cultivated in North America, primarily as an ornamental. Hazelnuts are in the Birch family (Betulaceae).

Coll – Hazel Ogam letter correspondences
Month: July
Color: Brown
Class: Chieftain
Letter: C, K
Meaning: Creative energies for work or projects.

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Tides for Alsea Bay

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Day        High      Tide  Height   Sunrise    Moon  Time      % Moon
~            /Low      Time    Feet     Sunset                                    Visible
Th  15     High  12:40 AM     7.6   6:19 AM     Set  6:17 AM      99
~    15      Low   7:34 AM    -0.7   8:22 PM    Rise  8:54 PM
~    15     High   2:00 PM     6.4
~    15      Low   7:33 PM     2.1

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Affirmation/Thought for the Day – Sing out loud today!

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Journal Prompt – What is? – What was the best thing that happened to you yesterday?

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Quotes

~   Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. – Harriet Beecher Stowe
~   If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility. – Henry Wadsworth
~   No regrets, no sentimentality, no self-pity.- Terry Waite, author, humanitarian and hostage, who was kidnapped on January 24, 1987
~   Wisdom is the power to put our time and our knowledge to the proper use. – Thomas J. Watson, Sr.

The slow soft toads out of damp corners creep;
And evening’s breath, wandering here and there
Over the quivering surface of the stream,
Wakes not one ripple from its summer dream. – P. B. Shelley (1792–1822)

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Magick – The Unoriginality of Jesushttp://www.bandoli.no/nooriginaljesus.htm

Who was the Son of the highest God, and the biggest healer in Antiquity?  He healed the sick and even raised the dead.  Hear and behold: former paralysed walked again, the blind could miraculously see again, and the deaf could listen and the mute speak after the Master’s gentle touch!  But he did not only heal the body, he also healed the soul.  They called him Saviour and Redeemer, and he healed both rich and poor, men and women, young and old, slaves and free men, friends and enemies.  In one occasion a paralysed man was brough to him in his bed, and took his bed and left walking after the Saviour had touched him.  What was this Saviour’s name?

. . . Asklepios.

Who was born by a mortal virgin mother and had a divine Father, and was known as the “Saviour of the world”?  Before he was born his parents wandered to a bigger town, and prophets had foretold his birth and that he would be a king.  This instigated a search for the infant Saviour by a leading figure who wanted to kill him.  After growing up the Son of God was shown all the kingdoms of the world from a high mountain.  He also walked on water and when he met his end his mother and his favorite disciple stood by him.  He then tells his mother: “Do not cry, I’m going to heaven”.  When he dies he utter: “It is finished” and the earth trembles and darkness cover the land.  Then he ascended to
heaven, and his greatest achievement was to conquer death.

His name was of course . . . Hercules.

We all of course know the Redeemer who was no figure of pagan Greek polytheism.  He was the true Saviour who wanted to help and save the sinful humans, by sacrificing himself.  But he was willing to do this, out of love, pity and compassion for the humans.

His name: . . . Prometheus.

Now, who was the real Son of God, born by a mortal virgin mother, and often presented as the venerated newborn infant, or depicted riding a donkey?  He healed the sick and did numerous wonders, among those making fine wine from plain water.  He was killed but resurrected from the dead and became immortal.  The followers of this God often ate a holy meal in a kind of sacramental union with the deity to achieve immortality after their death.  One of this god’s finest achievements was his death, his sacrifice, which delivers the whole human kind.

The God was the very popular Dionysos.

Who is the “Light of the World”, the One, the God who defeated death?  Born of a virgin mother, considered the first true King by the people.  Who rose from the grave and ascended to heaven.  He defeated death, and must be considered the single true God.

Of course the Egyptian Osiris!

Now, the real God often called the “Light of the world”, “The good shepherd”, “The lamb” and is “. . . the way, the truth, and the life”.  Identified with a cross.  Who could that be?

Horus, (the son of Osiris).

The original “Light of the world” was the mediator between God and man and was born on the 25th of December.  Local shepherds witnessed his birth and gave him gifts.  He had 12 disciples, and when his work was done on earth he gathered together to a last supper, and then ascended to heaven.  At doomsday he will return to pass judgment on both the living and the dead.  The righteous will go to heaven and the sinful will be killed in a giant fire.  Sunday is his holyday, and this religion gave us the seven days of the week.  His followers called each other “brothers” and their leaders “fathers”.  They practiced baptism and established a sacred meal ritual, where flesh and blood was symbolically consumed by initiates.  Above earth was heaven, and below the dark hell with demons and the sinners.

The ‘Light of the World’ is of course the sungod Mithra.

Wise men were led to his birth by a star, and his conception was miraculous.  After his birth the ruler in the area wanted him dead and started a hunt for the child.  But his parents were warned by a heavenly messenger who told them to escape over the river with the holy child.  Here, he was met by shepherds.  The boy grew up and did many great deeds, and was the mediator between God and man.

His name: Krishna.

Who then, was the God whose mother was told by an angel that she would give birth to a holy child destined to be a Saviour?  Even as a child he instructed the priests in the temple in religious matters, while his parents were looking for him.  He started his religious career when he was ca 30 years of age, and surrounded himself with 12 disciples.  One of the disciples is his favorite. Another is a traitor.  He and his disciples abstain from wealth and travel around talking in parables and metaphors.  This God called himself “Son of Man” and was referred to as “Prophet”, “Master” and “Lord”.  He did many great wonders and healed the sick, blind could see again and deaf hear. He also walked on water.  When one of his disciples tried to do the same, he started to sink – his faith was not strong enough.

We are here obviously talking about Buddha.

Our Saviour cannot be mistaken for any other.  He performed countless miracles on earth, miracles well attested to by bystanders.  He healed the sick and the crippled, restored sight to the blind, cast out demons, and even raised the dead!  His birth was of a virgin, foretold by an angel.  While still a child, he exhibited extraordinary knowledge of religious scripture.  He reformed the corrupt and worldly religions of his day.  He was crucified, rose from the tomb and appeared to his disciples to prove to them his power over death, after which he ascended to Heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father.  He was known as “the Son of God!” His message is of love and compassion.

We give you: Apollonius of Tyana

And there is of course the God-man, the prophet, the founder of a great monotheistic religion that still exist today.  He preached that there was only one true God, and his teachings focused on the eternal fight between good and evil.  The teachings include the idea of the Saviour will wake the dead and pass judgment on all.  The righteous ones goes to Paradise and the sinful straight to a burning Hell.  The very word of Paradise stems from this religion.  This semigod started his career in his early thirties, and had a following of disciples.  As a band of monks they wandered around, preaching their religion.  He was eventually killed and sent to heaven.

And he was the Persian Zarathustra.

The problem for Jesus is that all these deities are much older than him.  You don’t have to be very bright to see where the authors of the Gospels got their “devine inspiration” when they created the Jewish version of the popular God-Man/ World-Saviour of Antiquity.

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Could it not be that Jesus is acknowledged as Messiah because he fits the pattern? Don’t these archetypal criteria sit hardwired in our minds, waiting for someone to come along and meet them? Why denigrate?  Why not recognize these motifs as the earmarks of divinity?  And even if one is not a believer, is it really necessary to try to destroy beliefs that others hold sacred? The last paragraph of this writing sounds as smug and judgmental as the words of any religious extremist of any ilk.

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Gillian:

Mithra is thought to be the source of inspiration for the Jesus story in the four gospels. This may have been under the supervision of Bishop Irenaeus as the Mithra religion was popular among the Roman soldiers. This was sometime around 290-325 CE.

Christians of the first three centuries did not believe in a historical Jesus nor did the Apostle Paul.

What is called orthodox Christianity is a patriarchal religion intended to keep the masses in subjection.

Early believers were first called Christians. They were later (after 325 CE) referred to as Gnostics. That was subsequently equated with heresy.

I find nothing smug in the last paragraph. It’s a statement of fact. These other God-men stories preceded the Jesus stories by centuries.

Galileo’s comment is appropriate: “I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.”

Hypatia of Alexandria’s comment is still appropriate:  “All formal dogmatic religions, are fallacious, and never should be accepted by self-respecting persons as final.”

Presenting myth and legend as historical events was a common practice among the ancients. Hence ancient writings are full of these kind of documents that subsequently became the basis for religion. Since such stories were not subject to any proof, it was elevated to the level of mystery.

Today it is sufficient to see that life itself is a mystery as is the mystery of existence. If you want a theology for this, consider The Mystery of Existence as God.

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Thank you David for your insights and references!  Respectfully Gillian, I have come to believe that sometimes what others hold sacred, can be their greatest obstacle.  When it comes to religious beliefs, nothing could be truer.  The Mystery is alive within us, and so are the avatars we emulate.  As I have heard it said, “The Truth is so, and then it is so what.”  You move deeper into the moment.  Historically, having reached an insight, we seem to prefer to move deeper into being right.

John

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Hi David.

I’ll answer in line.

Mithra is thought to be the source of inspiration for the Jesus story in the four gospels. This may have been under the supervision of Bishop Irenaeus as the Mithra religion was popular among the Roman soldiers. This was sometime around 290-325 CE.

–Yes. Mithraism was one of several mystery religions which abounded in Rome. The worship of Isis was another one. She has been seen, amongst other goddesses, as the model for the Virgin Mary.

Christians of the first three centuries did not believe in a historical Jesus nor did the Apostle Paul.

–That’s an interesting assertion.  I’d love to see it supported.  It would sure make Paul look pretty cynical.

What is called orthodox Christianity is a patriarchal religion intended to keep the masses in subjection.

–I’m sure that can be said about Christianity once it was adopted by Rome. Apparently the structure of Bishop – Priest -Deacon was pretty attractive and the Judaic moral system had been appealing to Romans for some time before. But according to Eileen Pagels, orthodox Christianity had to become authoritative in order to close ranks and withstand the competition afforded by other mystery religions, persecution from the government , and the resentment of rank-and-file Romans.

Early believers were first called Christians. They were later (after 325 CE) referred to as Gnostics. That was subsequently equated with heresy.
–The earliest believers identified as Jews. The Gnostics differed from the Orthodox, amongst other ways, in that theirs was a more introspective faith. Pagels book on the Gospel of Thomas points out that that Gospel of Thomas sends the faithful inward, while the Gospel of John maintains that God is without. Having no need for a hierarchy, the Gnostics were seen as loose cannons and thus dangerous to the survival of the faith.

I find nothing smug in the last paragraph. It’s a statement of fact. These other God-men stories preceded the Jesus stories by centuries.
–“You don’t have to be very bright to see where the authors of the Gospels got their “devine inspiration” when they created the Jewish version of the popular God-Man/ World-Saviour of Antiquity.”
I’m sorry. The statement does indeed sound smug to me. It reads as if a bunch of guys got togther with the express purpose of creating a false god.  It imports a cynicism which I find very hard to believe was there. Whether Jesus existed or not, the story began on a grassroots level.  There was something within the story that fostered the collective unconscious. That it was institutionalized later for the purposes of keeping the populus in line is immaterial when facing the archetypal nature of this figure. The fact that archetypal heroes have always been with us does not negate the power of any of their stories. The listing of previous archetypal figures who embody parts of this culmination only underscores the power of this figure. I do not disagree that the myth (not in the sense of a lie but of a transcendent truth) has been corrupted and perverted and imbued with a historicity which saps it of its spiritual strength. But the fact remains that this story has been a source of comfort for millions of people for two millenium. I may not believe in its literal factuality, but I take no pleasure in destroying the faith of others.

Galileo’s comment is appropriate: “I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.”
–Agreed. It blows me away when I read people who have and use all of these qualities and still burn with a deep faith. I feel then that I have missed something very important.

Hypatia of Alexandria’s comment is still appropriate:  “All formal dogmatic religions, are fallacious, and never should be accepted by self-respecting persons as final.”
–Definitely. Atheism included.

Presenting myth and legend as historical events was a common practice among the ancients. Hence ancient writings are full of these kind of documents that subsequently became the basis for religion. Since such stories were not subject to any proof, it was elevated to the level of mystery.
–Yes indeed. It still is. We’ve done the same thing to John F. Kennedy, Bruce Lee, Elvis Presley, Jim Morrison, Tupac Shakur…

Today it is sufficient to see that life itself is a mystery as is the mystery of existence. If you want a theology for this, consider The Mystery of Existence as God.
–Yes indeed. Contemplation upon the mystery of being can be found in Jesus’ teachings and the Buddha’s and the Quran and the Bhagavad Gita and in the caves of Lascaux and on Ayers Rock. All faiths return to this at the core. And I see no need to negate any one of them.
God(ess) Bless
Gillian

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Dear David,

I wrote that last note amidst a pile of papers and students interrupting me to ask advice on their Iliad projects, and I forgot to address a point.

You said:

“Mithra is thought to be the source of inspiration for the Jesus story in the four gospels. This may have been under the supervision of Bishop Irenaeus as the Mithra religion was popular among the Roman soldiers. This was sometime around 290-325 CE.”

It’s pretty much agreed that the Gospels were written around 50 – 100 years after the time of the crucifixion. They were well established by the time of Bishop Irnaeus. As a matter of fact, 325 is the date of the first Nicean Council in which much of what became Orthodox Christianity was codified.

It would not be surprising that much of what was attributed to Mithra would become attached to Jesus, but not so much by the organized church but by the power of the folk process. There also seems to be much of Buddhist thought in Jesus’ words, and given that there would have been trade with that part of Asia for some time, it’s not all that surprising.

Namaste,

Gillian

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Gillian:

You commented:

Christians of the first three centuries did not believe in a historical Jesus nor did the Apostle Paul.

–That’s an interesting assertion.  I’d love to see it supported.  It would sure make Paul look pretty cynical.

Albert Schweitzer’s book, “The Quest for the Historical Jesus” of some years ago. A more recent book, mentioned here by Two Spirit Sadaaya entitled “The Laughing Jesus” by Timothy Freke & Peter Gandy has a good historical look at both the Old and New Testaments and the Qu’ran as well. It has lots of references.

Paul only looks cynical because of all the additions that have been added to his letters to make it appear he believed in a historical Jesus and that he supported a patriarchic religion.

–The earliest believers identified as Jews. The Gnostics differed from the Orthodox, amongst other ways, in that theirs was a more introspective faith. Pagels book on the Gospel of Thomas points out that that Gospel of Thomas sends the faithful inward, while the Gospel of John maintains that God is without. Having no need for a hierarchy, the Gnostics were seen as loose cannons and thus dangerous to the survival of the faith.

The orthodox attempted to make Jesus into a historical figure. An “introspective faith” is what gnosis is about. It is a awakening, a changing of one’s perspective, about how reality is perceived. That incidentally is the basis of quantum physics.

The gospel of John doesn’t maintain that God is without. Jesus said, “The Father and I are one.” (John 10:30) The gospel of John also records that: “Jesus answered, “Is it not written in your law, “I said, you are gods’?” (John 10:34) According to these verses, God is within and we are that god. Or as I prefer, we are that “Mystery of Existence.”

The stores of the God-men are not devoid of meaning. The point is, don’t claim that Jesus was the only one of these God-men that actually had an historical existence.

The first Christians, whether Jews or whatever, used the story of Jesus representing the death as symbolic of dying from the contemporary world view and awakening (resurrecting) with a new perspective on the contemporary world view.

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I find this a very interesting subject.  I call it the myth of Jesus.  I do believe in Jesus, mainly because I want to, and that is a good enough reason for me.

But, I was amazed when I read the “Enchiridon”, a Roman Army Field Manual.  This book contains the philosopy of Epictetus.  What I often wonder is did the Gospels copy the Enchiridon, or did the Enchiridon copy the Gospels as in regard to the teachings of Jesus.

Maybe, just maybe the teachings of Jesus was not from Jesus at all, maybe he was just teaching universal truths that have always existed.

My favorite Epictetus quote does relate to Androgynes and the Transgender Communities when he said;

“What concerns me is not the way things are, but rather the way people think things are.”

Catherine

“As you believe, so shall it be”

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Christians of the first three centuries did not believe in a historical Jesus nor did the Apostle Paul.

–That’s an interesting assertion. I’d love to see it supported. It would sure make Paul look pretty cynical.

The only comment or observation I can provide here: When Paul converted, he began preaching almost immediately. It’s almost as if he had a pre-conceived idea of what he was going to preach (although he had been persecuting Christians).  He could not have learned or memorized the three years of preaching that Jesus did in a matter of days, much less when he was supposedly temporarily blind immediately after he converted and could not have read whatever record existed of his sayings.  He apparently did not have the humility, or the interest, to listen to the teachings of the historical Jesus, and therefore came up with his own teachings (like his ‘faith will justify you’, versus Jesus’ ‘you must be fruitful: a tree that bears no fruits will be cut off’). This, to me, is a sign that this historical Jesus figure did not matter to him, at least not enough to care about what he actually taught. It’s not hard to imagine that many original Christians, after the death of Jesus, did not necessarily believe in the LITERAL resurrection but saw it as a symbol, or even in his literal existence.  I mean, the claims such as miracles and healings would seem unbelievable to someone today.  Most of these believers in the Christ as a mythical figure probably evolved into Gnostics.

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Silliness – Naughty Cat

Signs that your cat is hanging around with the wrong crowd:

  • One day, without your permission, he gets his ears pierced.
  • Your credit card is overcharged, mainly for “9-Lives.
  • You find attached to the refrigerator a note that reads: “Leave a steak on the front porch at midnight, or you’ll never see Spot again.”
  • Too many times a week your cat comes home after one in the morning, totally plastered and with a strong odor of catnip about him.
  • You come home to catch him in the act of raiding your liquor cabinet.
  • Several hundred dollars’ worth of phone calls appear on your phone bill to “1-900-PUSSYCAT-MEOW.”
  • You find out that the lifetime’s supply of cat food wasn’t a prize from “Kitten’s Life” magazine, but that your cat has been selling drugs in the neighborhood.
  • After failing to get your attention with constant meows and by rubbing up against your leg, your cat pulls out his Magnum-44 and aims it at you, demanding “Friskies” and catnip.
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